Ah, the feeling after you get engaged. It’s a giddiness that I hadn’t ever experienced before, like nothing in the world can wipe the smile off your face. Every chance you get, you are stealing a glance at the new rock on your finger, gleaming at your new fiance, or posing with your ring finger as the center of attention. You begin discussing your fantasy wedding plans with your fiance, thanking friends and family left and right for the well wishes and congratulatory messages, and hopefully, embracing every moment of being on cloud 9. But, then what?
Once the original shock and euphoria settles down, the questions from eager friends, families, co-workers, acquaintances, etc. begin to flow in, almost on que. When’s the date? Where are you getting married? Have you started planning? Whose in the wedding? Where are you going on your honeymoon?
Honeymoon, really?! But, friends and family are often as excited as you are to hear the news and to think about the wedding ahead. And as much as you want to provide them with the answers they are looking for, even if you’ve planned your wedding day out in your head and (think) you know exactly what you want, in these initial moments you probably do not. Wedding planning takes time, it takes some serious commitment and decision making. But more importantly, you do NOT want to stop enjoying your engagement.
When my fiance and I returned from Maui, I tried so hard to take some time to breathe, to enjoy my engagement and time with my new to-be-hubby. But, being a planner and an overly-eager bride-to-be, I almost immediately began messaging different venues that I had in mind to try to get touring appointments on the books, try to collect some price information and inquire about specific dates I had in mind. As information began to roll in and my calendar began to fill up with appointments, I was suddenly feeling incredibly overwhelmed and anxious. While I thought I was being strategic in setting up tours and appointments over a month from when I had inquired, this only heightened my anxious feels and was even driving me to sleepless nights. Numbers, ideas, possibilities all began to float through my head constantly, and I was losing the enjoyment I had felt when I first got engaged. Mini meltdowns were happening, I was spending hours upon hour researching venues trying to gather as much information as I could, coming up with full itinerary plans and possibilities based on my initial curiosities. I needed a serious chill pill…
So, maybe you don’t have as hyper-intense personality as I do. Maybe you can embrace the idea of waiting, brushing off questions and truly sticking to a plan of enjoying your engagement. Maybe not, maybe your just-as if not more as eager and impatient than me. My serious advice to you is to just wait. I quickly learned that it is much more important to actually enjoy your time engaged. There is no rush. Having recently gone through it, I understand that you want to be able to confidently answer the questions, know exactly how you are going to move forward with your fantasy wedding plans. But, it will take away from the fun. Take a month or two before jumping in to setting anything. Brainstorm ideas with your partner, figure out things that are most important to each of you about your big day. If you are anything like me, no matter what you originally thought may actually end up being a 180-degree opposite from what you end up deciding on.
So what’s the point of pre-plan stressing? Your engagement is going to be a whirlwind of excitement, stresses, hopefully many more ups than downs. But it’s the only engagement you will likely ever have. And it is a time that should be cherished. So, slow down, take a few deep breaths and proudly say, “I/We don’t know yet,” as the questions flood the gates. Take as long as you want or need to with these answers. Remember, this is the only chance you’ve got, the most stress-free time of the next year or two of your life. If I could do that month over, I would. And as I move into month two of being engaged and begin to really narrow down on the exact vision and floor plan for our big day, I can only look back and laugh at how crazy I let myself get, because all of the things I stressed about are no longer even a consideration or thought in my mind.
So, deep breath, big smile, and “I don’t know!” because in reality, you shouldn’t.